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22 August 2007 @ 01:00 am
The Lone and Level Sands (tag/missing scene)  
Title: The Lone and Level Sands
Author: sholio
Rating: gen; PG
Word Count: 2000, give or take
Summary: Round the decay / Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare / The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Warnings: Character death!

This is a tag for ladyofastolat's story Message in a Bottle, written with her kind permission. Please read that one first! This is not an "authorized" ending to the story, merely a what-if.

*cough* er, and please be warned, I made myself cry writing this, just so you know. I blame Asimov and Bradbury and Sturgeon and all those writers for warping my poor developing brain when I was a child and making me think this sort of thing is a normal way to end a story.

This world was dust to the horizon -- flat and gray, a place of death. Here and there, the skeletons of ancient trees, of crumbling walls, thrust up from the sand, silent testament to the long-forgotten civilization that once thrived here.

Across the dull sand, two people toiled: a boy and a soldier. The boy wore the loose robes of the desert nomads who camped in the ruins; a mask hung around his neck, and he lifted it occasionally to take a quick puff of oxygen, supplementing the thin atmosphere.

The soldier had no such mask, and he paused occasionally, leaning on his knees and coughing. He was not a young man, especially for a trek such as this; silver streaked his long braids, and his broad shoulders were stooped with age. The boy didn't pause, however, except to give a scornful look backwards. In his hard, dry world, those who stopped to help the weak died along with them.

The soldier drew a deep lungful of dry, cold air, and straightened, lengthening his strides to catch up.

"Over that hill," the boy said at last, gesturing at a low ridge that appeared to be the remains of an ancient stone wall. "Been there ever since I can remember. Bad place; no one goes there." He turned a sharp look on the old soldier. "Payment. You promised."

The soldier grunted and tossed him a small bottle. The boy turned it over in his hand, and read the alien hieroglyphics that most people on the trading worlds had come to recognize over the last thirty years: ASPIRIN. A miracle medicine from another star, worth its weight in gold at some of the trading fairs.

The boy offered no thanks, nor any indication whether he wanted the bottle for the wealth it represented, or to ease the pain of a loved one. On this hard world, the soldier thought probably the former, but life had taught him that you never could tell for sure.

"Find your way back okay?" the boy asked, looking over his shoulder as he turned away.

The soldier nodded, and the boy turned his back without another word, slogging back the way they'd come across the shifting, unstable gray sand.

The old soldier climbed to the top of the rock wall with a speed and grace that belied his age, though he knew he'd pay later from the deep ache in his joints. On the other side, the dunes fell away in a long slope, sweeping downwards to the unmistakable shape of a puddlejumper jutting out of the sand. The hull was weathered to the same dull gray as everything else on this world. As the boy had said, it looked as if it had always been there.

Even from here, the soldier could see the gashes in the hull, the places where it had been horribly crushed and torn. Sand spilled out of the gaps.

Aching in ways that had nothing to do with age, the soldier slipped and slid cautiously down the slope. He took his time, having no desire to break a leg in this lonely place. Any need for hurry had been stilled long since.

For all the death that he had seen, his own reluctance to peer through the gap in the hull surprised him. But still, he did so, shining a flashlight across the dark interior, disturbing thirty years of stillness with the too-sharp beam of light.

The jumper was buried nose-first in the sand, though it was impossible to tell if it had crashed that way, or if the wind had buried it over the intervening decades. A torrent of sand spilled through the broken windshield, half-burying the console and seats, and everything was covered with a fine coating of dust. The soldier set a cautious foot inside, ready for a quick retreat if it turned out to be unstable, but the tilting floor was rock-solid under his boot.

By the beam of his flashlight, he made his way to the front of the dead ship. He wasn't sure why; he knew, from talking to the villagers, that there would be no body buried under the spill of sand half-covering the seats. And his touch had never been able to make the Ancestors' machines come to life. But there was something in the console that he wanted -- something he'd learned about, from many years of watching scientists tear them apart, years of listening and remembering more than people thought he did.

Reaching underneath the console, his long, powerful fingers pried off a sandproof cover, revealing a small gap. He reached inside and gently disconnected two wires, detaching the little recording device that all the jumpers carried. Taking it out with exquisite care, he slipped it into a pocket of his long coat, and then stood for a moment in the still and dead jumper, looking around.

Anything of value would have been ruined long ago. It was nothing more than junk now, and any story that it might have once told, of the events that had taken place inside it all those years ago, had been erased by time's heavy hand. Leaving it to the sand and the dead, the soldier crawled back out through the gap in the hull, straightening and looking around.

We buried him at the base of the broken tower, the old woman at the village had said.

He found it eventually, farther from the jumper than he'd expected. Maybe shifting sands had carried the jumper down the hill; maybe the herdpeople had been following some kind of superstition about burying a body too close to its place of death; maybe the wounded pilot had found the strength to drag his shattered body that far. The grave was marked as the soldier had seen elsewhere on this world: a simple cairn of stones with a square rock at its top. Having a passing familiarity with the burial customs of these people, the soldier knew that all such cairns had, at their apex, an object of importance to the deceased. Lifting off the top stone, he suspected what he would find, but it still hurt like a punch in the gut to see the dog tags lying curled in the small space.

He lifted them out gently, wound his fingers through them with exquisite care.

We did not go near the crashed ship for many days, the old woman had said, averting her eyes from his. Wraith or refugees, either one is bad news for us. We have little enough for ourselves.

True or not ... he didn't know. He suspected that the jumper's pilot might have been alive when the herdpeople found him, but it was unlikely they would have made a move to help him -- fearing that he was ill or Wraith-contaminated, unwilling to share their water with an outsider. On some worlds, he might have been taken in, nursed back to health by villagers who would have helped reunite him with his lost people.

This was not such a world.

A sick and weary anger coiled in his stomach, achingly familiar. If we'd been a few hours earlier to that cursed world. If we'd hit upon this gate address, of all the many that we tried. If he'd crashed somewhere else.

But he hadn't. And fate wasn't kind, and Sheppard had died alone of injuries and thirst, only a few miles from people who could have helped him, but wouldn't.

At least he knew the truth at last, and could tell those who were still alive, who would care. Teyla would certainly need to know; she'd named one of her children after John, after all, and now Airman John Emmagan-Radim could finally hear the end of his namesake's story.

Sitting on a barren hillside under a flat gray sky, the old soldier took the recording device out of his pocket and rested it on his knee. He'd thought that maybe you had to have the Ancestors' gene in order to use it, but when he touched the single small button on the underside, a soft whir of static gave way to a voice that made his throat tighten.

"...thing ... on? Hey ... damn ..."

The soldier stilled the urge to turn it off again. Instead, he listened to the sound of rustling and shifting, punctuated by small gasps of pain. Then the voice spoke again, softly, across the years. "I guess this thing's on. Rodney would know, but he's not ... I ..."

More soft sounds, hard to define. When the voice came back again, it was a little stronger.

"I made a rough landing. Really rough. I don't think this old girl, don't think she's going anywhere again. Rodney, you hearing this? I bet even you couldn't fix this."

The recording paused as the speaker panted for breath, and, listening, the soldier swallowed against the ache in his throat. Rodney had been dead for several years, fallen to a fast-spreading cancer that had baffled the medical people on his homeworld.

"I'm not sure what address I dialed. Can't think straight. Drugs ... I don't know what they gave me. Not sure where I am. The one thing I do know is that you guys'll find me."

Another pause, and the soldier's gloved hand tightened around the recorder. We never stopped looking. I hope you knew that.

"Well, gotta go. I thought I saw some people out there ... herding some kind of critter that looks like a cross between a yak and a dinosaur. Wish I had a camera, I'd love to show..." The rasping voice trailed off in a wet, hacking cough. No one could live long if they made a sound like that; something was broken, badly broken. Perhaps it would not have mattered if the herdpeople had brought water, after all.

"... what was I talking about? Ahh, it doesn't matter, I guess. I gotta go. But before I do, I hope ..." There was another pause, this one heavy with uncertainty more than physical weakness. "I hope you know ... I suck at talking about feelings, right? Just ask Teyla. It'd be easier with one of you around to finish ... finish my sentences for me." A soft laugh that turned into a cough halfway through. "I don't know, I could put a message for every one of you on here, but why bother? Ronon ..."

The soldier jumped, hearing his name.

"... understands, I think, and he can explain to the rest of you. Words don't matter. There aren't words, not words for ..." Another pause, a heavy swallowing sound. "Be safe," the voice out of time whispered, and then a soft click ended the message.

The soldier didn't move for a long moment, finally raising his hand to wipe at his eyes. The irony was not lost on him, that Sheppard had died for lack of water, yet he himself had this much water to spare. He tried to remember the last time he'd wept. When McKay had died, maybe.

"We never stopped looking," he said to the whisper of the shifting sands, and putting the recording device very carefully next to the dog tags in his pocket, he heaved himself to his feet to begin the long walk home.

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my works, Ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
-"Ozymandias", by Percy Bysshe Shelley
babs_sg1babs_sg1 on August 22nd, 2007 09:46 am (UTC)
I think my heart just broke into a million tiny pieces. Now I have to go to work with a red, blotchy face. And even though all of that happened, this fic is beautiful in its very sad way.

Now I need some h/c with happy happy endings and lots of emphasis on the comfort!
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
Um ... sorry. But, thanks! I think I need some warm fuzzies and happy endings myself now, too...
Ali: ConversionSadalipeeps on August 22nd, 2007 11:18 am (UTC)
Eeep. You just broke me. *cries*
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC)
If it's any consolation, I broke me too. I made myself cry writing this, and that never happens. I, um, think I'll go write something cheerful now. With puppies.
Elaine of Astolat: Wraith snarlingladyofastolat on August 22nd, 2007 12:09 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, this was very different from what I'd expected. Excellent stuff!

I'm still stubbornly clinging to my hopes of the off-camera happy ending, but a sad ending does feel right, too. It's certainly more powerful. I'm now doing soul-searching about why I gave this set-up a sad ending 11 years ago, but an optimistic ending now. I'm not sure how much is because my preferences have changed, and how much is reader expectation. 11 years ago, if I remember correctly, no-one gave or expected character death warnings, and there was much more freedom to do shocking twists or bleak endings. But now I'm rambling... :-)
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:03 pm (UTC)
I knew it would be sad, but I didn't realize it would come out that incredibly sad. I ended the other story with this vivid mental image of a puddlejumper half covered with sand, abandoned and forgotten on an unknown world, and that was what I wanted to write. Thank you for letting me write this; now I will go back and cling to the hope of a happy ending for them. *clings*

I'm not sure how much is because my preferences have changed, and how much is reader expectation. 11 years ago, if I remember correctly, no-one gave or expected character death warnings, and there was much more freedom to do shocking twists or bleak endings.

Actually, that's a really good point. Fanfic audiences are so much more ... self-aware now, I suppose. Back when I wrote my first long fanfic, which was about 2000 or so, I ended one chapter with a scene that made it look like I'd killed the main character (he wasn't really dead, of course -- and I didn't even realize that I'd implied he was dead; I just had him pass out from severe injuries) and got inundated with shocked, horrified emails bewailing my decision to kill off character [x]. I've pulled similar things in my SGA stories and very rarely had anyone assume that I'd actually killed someone off, perhaps because people now expect you to warn for character death, or perhaps because audiences just aren't as easily shocked anymore.
(no subject) - sholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Julie: HC: help mejackfan2 on August 22nd, 2007 12:18 pm (UTC)
*throws head back and wails*

OMG *breathing shudders*... that was... tragic. So beautifully tragic. The use of Shelley's words fit so beautifully here.

Oooookay, now, write the 'happy ending' bit. ;)
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:04 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I probably owe everyone a much happier tag now! Thanks for the comment. *clings to John*
Josiea_pilgrim_soul on August 22nd, 2007 12:26 pm (UTC)
Wonderfully poignant and tragic tag to a great fic. Vivid imagery and real emotional impact.

But Teyla and Ladon? Where did that come from? *lol*
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
LOL, yeah, Teyla and Ladon ... I wanted her to be married to someone who wasn't part of the main group; I thought about throwing an OC last name out there, but figured I'd go with Ladon because people would recognize it and it wasn't a pairing that most people have strong feelings about ... at least I don't think so!

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. I've never written something that sad before ... at least not when it wasn't dealing with a death in canon.
what's next?iboneki on August 22nd, 2007 01:51 pm (UTC)
God, I need a drink.
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:08 pm (UTC)
Oh no! I'm driving my readers to drink! *g* Sorry for the depressing interlude; we now return to our regularly scheduled comfort.
(Deleted comment)
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
wynterblue: Who Me?wynterblue on August 22nd, 2007 05:43 pm (UTC)
Man. This was wicked awsome! I mean it, frelling good job.

Now I gotta explain to the coworker why my eyes are all wet! Heck with it, let him guess.
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:09 pm (UTC)
The coworker would probably never guess right. *g* Thank you; I'm glad you liked it, and sorry about writing something so massively sad -- I don't know why I feel like I ought to apologize for that, but it's just not something I normally do!
madripoor_rosemadripoor_rose on August 22nd, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC)
Ooh. This was really bleakly beautiful, as was the other you recc'd. Great stories, like the best chocolate, dark and bitter.
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I love the comparison to bitter dark chocolate, one of my very favorite things. *g*
kriadydragon: Danny 2kriadydragon on August 22nd, 2007 08:14 pm (UTC)
*Sobs!* Sad, so sad! But so well done. But so sad!
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 08:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you -- and, I'm sorry! I know! I think I need to write something fluffy and happy to make up for this. Or at least something with a happy ending.
(no subject) - kriadydragon on August 23rd, 2007 02:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
linzi5linzi5 on August 22nd, 2007 08:37 pm (UTC)
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
I know! *weeps* I've never written a true deathfic before (despite my track record of killing off AU versions of the characters at an alarming rate).
wildcat88: B&W filmwildcat88 on August 22nd, 2007 09:14 pm (UTC)
*wails* That was so sad, and yet the perfect ending to that story. The thought of him dying alone wondering where his friends are just makes me cry (and precious little can do that). Beautifully done.
Sholiosholio on August 22nd, 2007 09:23 pm (UTC)
I made myself cry, too! *sniffles* Thank you so much.
obsessed1o1obsessed1o1 on August 22nd, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
i......uh...........i............SHEPPARD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

OMG! that was so sad but i just couldn't stop reading. When Ronon found the dog tags i just.........oh no.........and then John said on the recording that they would find him and they didn't and he sees people he think will help him and they don't and.........

well done, just so lovely. You've really upset me and yet i'm thankful for it because that was beautifully written and i love, love, love the fact that it was Ronon that went back to that planet, because you just know he would.

Sholio: Ronon in Runnersholio on August 22nd, 2007 09:52 pm (UTC)
I think I broke myself a little bit by writing this! But thank you; I really appreciate that you enjoyed it (well, maybe "enjoyed" isn't quite the right word!) in spite of the sadness. And yes, Ronon would never stop looking, no matter what.
miso_no_tsuki: John Sheppardmiso_no_tsuki on August 22nd, 2007 10:53 pm (UTC)
Beautifully done. Desperately sad but very *real*. The Universe is not a friendly place, sometimes and not all stories have happy endings. The Shelley goes perfectly with the piece, it's one of my favourites. I'll just go and get *another* hankie...
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 23rd, 2007 07:33 am (UTC)
Thank you! Yes ... the reason why I sometimes appreciate unhappy endings in fiction is because it makes the happy endings all the sweeter. *passes you a hankie*
wraithfodderwraithfodder on August 23rd, 2007 12:49 am (UTC)
So sad, but very good!!
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 23rd, 2007 07:42 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Abyssis: SGA - Sheppard rounds the bendabyssinia4077 on August 23rd, 2007 01:06 am (UTC)
This was heart-breakingly beautiful. Every sentence was carefully constructed so you could feel the place, feel the emotion in every word. I love the style and the way you can feel Ronon's weariness and guilt and just how bleak the place is.

Sad and hurty but still oh so good.
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 27th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you; this is really lovely praise from a writer who chooses words as carefully as you do, and I'm so glad you liked it, especially given how hurty it is.
decembrista_decembrist on August 23rd, 2007 05:22 am (UTC)
Oh my...I, um...I'm just going to sit here and snivel and flail. Despite the fact that this is Sheppard's final message, and that he likely knows it's is final one, I'm glad that it's still more full of hope than despair. Hope and good wishes for his friends, anyway, even if not for himself. It's so...Sheppard-y. *sniffle*
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 27th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I really do think that if Sheppard ever did leave a last message *crosses fingers that he never has to* it would be more hopeful than depressing.
winter_elf: Time flys bywinter_elf on August 23rd, 2007 06:17 am (UTC)
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 27th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
mteemtee on August 23rd, 2007 05:21 pm (UTC)
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 27th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
Acolyte of the Holy Triumvirate: woobieeverybetty on August 24th, 2007 02:27 am (UTC)
And then Ronon woke up and said, "Holy crap, what a really depressing nightmare. I think I'll go join Sheppard and McKay for breakfast and NOT tell him about this." Right ?? * wibbles*

Twas beautiful in all its dark angstiness. Did I hear something about puppies? Maybe a planet of puppies and unicorns shooting rainbows outa their butts. And trees made of chocolate. Yeah. And make some of them ORANGE chocolate ...that's my favorite ( sorry, Rodney! :) )

Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on August 27th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
And then Ronon woke up and said, "Holy crap, what a really depressing nightmare. I think I'll go join Sheppard and McKay for breakfast and NOT tell him about this." Right ??

LOL, exactly! Your comment made me giggle. Here, have some puppies and kittens.
Rhi: Kara and Helovipersweb on October 3rd, 2007 01:55 am (UTC)
This is a lovely tag to the original fic. Very sad and poignant. I like that Ronon and the others never gave up and Ronon is able to bring him back to Atlantis, even if it is just his last words and his tags.
Sholio: SGA-Sheppard rainsholio on October 13th, 2007 04:45 am (UTC)
Thank you! Yes, I like the idea that they wouldn't give up, even past the point when it was probably hopeless.
trystings: BW Sheptrystings on May 1st, 2008 02:58 pm (UTC)

When I read the original story, I clung to Ladyofastolat's off camera happy ending and you do this! I'm in a million pieces here.

It's gorgeous though, Ronon's long search, the tape recording, knowing that Sheppard spoke those words twenty five years ago, the dogtags... Oh man. I feel punched (but in a good way I guess).
Sholio: Sheppard moodysholio on May 2nd, 2008 08:59 am (UTC)
Er. Sorry. I broke myself too! For whatever it's worth, I think her ending can probably be considered more "canonical" (considering that it was her story to begin with)! But thank you for the comment.
space1travelerspace1traveler on July 14th, 2008 11:24 pm (UTC)
I can't do it. I can't finish reading it. As soon as Ronon turned on the recorder and I (heard) John's voice, I had to stop because I was clouding up and I knew this would be a 10 hankie experience. I'll tag it and maybe someday...today is not that day. Thanks for sharing though.
Sholio: Sheppard moodysholio on July 23rd, 2008 07:58 am (UTC)
Sorry! It is, er, kind of heavy, to say the least. (And by "heavy" I suppose I mean "horribly depressing".) But thanks for commenting anyway; I really appreciate it. :)
puddles1311puddles1311 on December 7th, 2012 12:35 am (UTC)
I keep coming back to this story over and over again. And I cry every time! It's just so well written, the imagery is perfect, the amount of detail is flawless and picturing an old, worn-down Ronon is so heartbreaking. Just the best moment EVER between Sheppard and Ronon, even though John isn't there...he really is.

Been reading and rereading since you first posted. 'bout time I posted a comment :)
Sholio: Atlantis citysholio on December 14th, 2012 07:21 am (UTC)
Thank you. <3 I really appreciate you coming here to tell me; it's always an amazing treat to hear that about an older story. I'm glad that this story is so meaningful to you, despite the heartbreak!